Pronouns – They/Them

February marks LGBTQ+ history month, in support of this Dr Nat Thorne covers the importance of getting language right and the mental health impacts this can have on the trans community.

Nat spent 16 years as an LGBTQ journalist before completing a Masters in Psychology Research Methods at the University of Nottingham. Following this Nat then went on to complete a PhD which examined the role of language in the mental health of non-binary individuals.

Nat now works for the Nottingham Centre for Transgender Health as Education, Evaluation and Research Associate – as a result of this Nat runs educational workshops, works as a community liaison, and produces educational resources.

They will be delivering a 2 hour session for EMAHSN staff on the issues facing the trans community and the use of pronouns as part of our commitment to the AHSN Diversity Pledges.

The issues facing the LGBTQ+ community

I have identified as non-binary since 2012 when I first found out what it was to be non-binary.

It was something that I had been thinking about all my life, but I never had a word to describe how I identified. And finally, now I have it!

When I was studying my thesis looked at the way language interacts with mental health in trans people and pronouns are a great example of that. For example, in life, your pronoun is normally decided by the person speaking to you. You’ll get people who look at you and therefore think they should refer to you as ‘she’, ‘her’, or ‘madam’ but for me, that isn’t accurate.

From day to day, many people can experience a lot of stress. There are a lot of people who don’t agree that you should choose your pronoun and that you should follow the system of someone looking at you and then classifying your gender and you just accept it. There are times when people aren’t aware of my pronouns, and they may refer to me incorrectly by accident. However, there are lots of people who will deliberately refuse to use my pronoun they/them because “it's difficult” or “bad language.” Feeling misgendered is horrible! Normalising pronouns and getting it right is a real challenge for the trans community.

Why pronouns are so important and the implications when people get it wrong

Having validation for who you are is really important otherwise you go through life with people misunderstanding you. When people do use the wrong pronoun, they don’t see you for who you are.

There’s also an element of respect if you have asked someone to use a pronoun and then they choose not to that can be difficult. I don’t think many realise the impact of language and how much of a big impact this can have on the mental health of trans people who experience this daily.

Myths that I want to dispel

This LGBTQ+ history month I want to dispel the negative myths that hear about trans people. In particular, it’s that many may feel that trans women shouldn’t be in women's toilets. I know many trans women who have been forced into male toilets but have then been abused and beaten up.

There are myths that if we allow people to choose the toilets, they feel most comfortable in there's going to be an increase in sexual crimes which is false. I’ve also heard that being non-binary is attention seeking, again not true! It’s always best to just talk to trans people and get to know and understand them.

What training is available in trans and pronoun awareness?

As part of my role, it includes the development of training and identifying areas that people would benefit from. The Nottingham Centre for Transgender Health offers a range of training to the NHS. The most popular one at the moment is our one hour transgender language and getting it right and what to do when you get it wrong.

For more information about training and support, please contact me by email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or follow my account on Twitter @ThorneNat and Nottingham Centre for Transgender health @NottsCTH